Death is Inevitable, But Love Never Dies

A book review of The Full Catastrophe by Casey Mulligan Walsh

In her Author’s Note, Casey Mulligan Walsh begins her tough, bittersweet and unflinching memoir with this quote from Barbara Kingsolver.

Memory is a complicated thing, a relative to truth, but not its twin.

Casey notes that The Full Catastrophe is “a true story to the best of my recollection.” And a reader cannot expect better than that. Some writers of memoir will ask family members or friends to fact-check their memories, but I’ve often thought of memoir as a window into one person’s perception of their life and take it as such. It’s not autobiography. It’s that person’s truth, the essence, of what they remember.

What impressed me more than anything while reading this book was Casey’s seeming determination to not whitewash her story, to not spare herself any blame criticism in how her life turned out.

I started to use the word blame but that wouldn’t have been fair. Casey turns a critical eye on herself, but in such a way that allows her to rise above where she feels she might have gone wrong. Hers is a story of how the best of intentions can lead one astray and how being honest with oneself can save a life (hers) and a family.

Determination, I see now, is not always a positive quality. It can spur you to great things. It can also make you blind, unable to see when enough is simply enough.

When still a young girl, both of Casey’s parents died. Several years later, her only sibling–a beloved brother–also died, leaving Casey alone and adrift in an unfriendly world. She was placed with relatives who weren’t shy about showing her their displeasure in having to be responsible for her.

In such an environment, it’s easy to imagine any young woman jumping at the first chance to leave. In this case, that chance was an ill-fated marriage.

All Casey wanted was to feel safe in the world and to shower love on a family of her making. She really wasn’t asking for much, not considering how hard she was willing to work for what she believed in. Unfortunately, she and her husband were a “mismatched pair.” Later Casey also learns that his parents (who she had believed accepted her as much as they would their own daughter) were perhaps her greatest enemies, siding with her husband during their separation and subsequent divorce, and coming between Casey and her children.

It’s not enough that Casey struggles to keep together the family she always wanted. Two of her three children, her first-born son and then her daughter, are born with a genetic condition, a form of high cholesterol called familial hypercholesterolemia (FH). Can you imagine the worry, the fear for your children, knowing they have a condition that can lead to a premature death?

As Casey’s marriage deteriorates, she becomes more controlling of her children and her husband. She admits this. In the context of her children’s health, it makes sense. In the context of all her losses, the deaths of her parents, her brother, other family members and friends, it makes sense. In the context of her husband’s drinking and combativeness, it makes sense. Her world was falling apart, and she was desperate to keep it together. As anyone would be.

And then her oldest son dies. Not from FH as Casey feared, but from something so random and so common as a car accident. Casey holds it together until she can’t. She finds comfort and strength in the outpouring of love and support she and her family receive, but then dissolves in tears at the end of TV news story about Eric.

The Full Catastrophe is a story of love and loss, the devastating grief of losing a child, the determination to make a family, to make a home. All along I was taken with Casey’s resolve to do the right thing by her children, sometimes to the point of seeming to turn them against her. Tough love, you might call it, but love nonetheless.

I often thought of my mother as I read Casey’s memoir, recalling how my mom tried to protect me from the big, bad world, how her efforts to protect me drove me away from her. I wondered if at times she too blamed herself for her children’s failures. I can only hope that, like Casey, she came to realize that she had done the best she could have done given her circumstances and that her love would ultimately bring me back to her.

The following quote from The Full Catastrophe is one that I keep nearby, a reminder that while death is inevitable, love never dies:

Just in time, I understood our connection to those we love doesn’t end with death, that nothing can separate us unless we choose to walk away. That it will all be over so soon for all of us, and what’s important is what we do while we’re here.

I highly recommend The Full Catastrophe for all readers, but especially those interested in memoir and who may be experiencing their own never-ending grief.

---

[Please note: None of the links provided are affiliate links.]

PREORDERS ARE LIVE on Amazon, Barnes and Noble, and Bookshop.org. You won’t be charged (or receive the book) until February 18, 2025.

All orders placed at Battenkill Books will be fulfilled with a signed copy.

To further entice you into preordering, Casey has some bonuses for you! After you’ve ordered, head over to her website at https://caseymulliganwalsh.com/preorder-the-full-catastrophe-now/. Scroll down to the preorder form and provide your name, email, order number, and supplier. Hit submit and you’ll receive the link to three preorder bonuses:

• Five Ways to Support Those Who Grieve, a concise sheet with advice about ways to support grievers when you struggle, as we all do, with ideas of what to do or say, and a list of supportive podcasts, books, and websites

• The Full Catastrophe Spotify playlist—hours of music that became the soundtrack for the life Casey lived, then captured in her memoir

• Finally, a link to an ask-Casey-anything zoom call/celebration on launch day, February 18, 2025 (time TBD).

(If you plan to order from Amazon on launch date, just enter “00000” in the order # space on the form, and you’ll receive these bonuses as well.)

You can also subscribe to Casey’s newsletter Embracing the Full Catastrophe on Substack.

---

Thank you for reading. Here’s your reward.